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Have your very own Ashley

complete with sound effects and mild to moderate insanity!

12/5/11 04:35 pm

Hey guys, moving on from this journal. follow me over at


9/3/11 12:01 am

It seems to be quite a time for new beginnings, as of late. The new job, as of January, the new living situation about the same time. New Firehouse, which I will be formally voted in as a full member (hopefully) this Wednesday. Car death a blessing in disguise, offering me both more financial freedom and a great way to get in and stay in shape. Down a full pants size already, and moving quickly towards another.

I am home, now, from an awesome first date with an adorable boi, and looking forward to a second date on Friday. Last night, my oldest friend in the world left for California, and though I am missing him, already, I'm wishing him the best in his own new beginning, and looking forward to hearing of his adventures. I am excited to see David moving into a place he really loves, and to be able to go help him. It joys me to hear of Dan going back to school. I greatly enjoy Sarah's pictures of her adventure in China, and look forward to braving the China mail system to write to her. Nicole will be going back to school to finish her degree this coming fall or spring. Im proud of me and mine, and I'm very excited to see where we're all going.

I am very much at peace, hanging out in the soon to be fixed up house with Ethan, who is tuning my guitar, and teaching himself a really beautiful song that's playing on his phone right now.

Life is good.

7/16/11 08:35 am

Well, M basically told me he doesn't have the motivation to even try to care for me anymore, last night. Basically telling me I'm a burden, and his natural response to me is to shut down and not care. So.. needless to say, cried myself to sleep last night, pretty tore up. He was special, he evoked passion in me that I hadn't seen in years. Wounded, right now. Also, sick, which isn't helping. It's probably for the best, we were never quite good together, but I'm pretty tore up. Work, now.

7/7/11 01:14 am - Updates of updatey...ness..ism. >>;

So, as of tomorrow, I am officially a bicycle commuter.
Ye olde motor beast has finally kicked the bucket, and I am junking her tomorrow. Smrf has kindly given me her old blue mountain bike (who I'm already in love with omg) and tomorrow we will junk ye olde motor beast and get the cash for her, while equipping my shiny new love of my life with some basics, like a rack, bag, and some repair supplies.

I'm glad that my stress coping skills have improved so well, because I don't think that I would have ever been able to form a cohesive plan and not stress myself to death, if I had remained dealing with stress the way that I have in previous years. I must say, I have David to think for the majority of that. I've said it once, I'll say it a million times, David, you are my rock, my comfort, and my best friend. You have been an amazing influence in my life, and I am entirely lucky to have you. Seriously. I have a lot of awesome people in my life, but there's very few that I count as close as I do people like David, Nicole, Sara, & Jeff. You guys have always been there for me, and I seriously appreciate it. I have seriously amazing friends.

Anyway, though there was an initial freak out, within an hour or so, I was calmed and planning, (between some random breakthrough crying) and I realized, if I panicked and tried to replace the care like RIGHTTHEFUCKNOW that I would end up with another shitbox that did nothing but stress me, and it wasn't worth it. Inspired by a joke I made to Sara as well as the posts of my friend Matt about bicycle commuting, I realized that becoming a bicycle commuter has two AWESOME advantages, along with others. The top 2 being:
1) Making my curves even MORE rockin'. Seriously. When I exercise, my body not only keeps its curves, but just makes them MORE extreme. Right now, my measurements are about mid range, and my hips are 11 1/2 inches wider than my waist. At the peak of my fitness, my hips were a full 16 inches wider than my waist. BAM BITCHES. haha. Either way, it'll be hot.
2) The money I will save in a few months of biking to work will save me enough for an actually decent car

Other advantages include reducing my carbon footprint, not having to make extra time to exercise (being that the commute would be exercise) and yay.

I plan to be on 4 wheels again by my birthday at the end of October, I think this is more than doable. I am actually quite excited.

For now, I am having a sleepover at my place with Sara, watching firefly, and embarking on a new adventure tomorrow. Woot.

6/30/11 07:36 am

Hey everybody! You should come to this event, and come visit me in the Serenity Space, our dedicated aftercare room, where there will be free cuddles, lots of soft things, and assorted aftercarey adventures.


Also, if you come and request a certain thing for the aftercare room, I will try my best to make it happen, magical friends list.

6/29/11 12:26 am - Oh, right.

Well, LJ is being a poop about letting me read your posts, kiddies, so anything behind a cut is off limits to me right now.
Faire has been amazing, and I'm astonished to see what it's become. Looking back now, remembering that first meeting, Marcie, Jeff, Steph, and myself around a table at the Valley Diner, to what it is now.. what it has evolved to become, while still maintaining our warm and fuzzy lovely family atmosphere.. I can't even believe it. I get all teary thinking about it.
Also, Blackmore's Night stopped by, which.. is a big deal to all of us. Seriously. Brought their daughter Autumn and came to hang out and ended up playing a show at the faire. it was awesome. Many a Rennie had fangirl/fanboy meltdowns. :)

Which reminds me.
All of you should come, this weekend, as it is our final weekend.
I will be found up at the knife & axe throw and archery booth most of the day, and then at the melee at 5:30. Night shows are awesome, improved, often full of dangerous stunts for your amusement, and are always a blast on Saturday nights.

Other than Faire, I've been pretty much surviving. Been a good summer, despite stresses. Still looking for fulltime positions and trying to save up money to replace satancar of death, which has added engine misfiring and transmission problems to her laundry list of fuckery. Stress is a major factor, but I can't let it overcome me, so I've been working really hard on trying to roll with it as much as possible, and keep myself a little sane.

Romantic life continues to be a good deal of circus music, sometimes wonderful, sometimes confusing, always sort of like a mad person on a unicycle trying to explain their emotions in some dead romance language to an audience that is only half listening. I am very blessed to have some wonderful people that I am blessed to have play time with, one of which who continues to be my rock. David is seriously more to me than I can explain, and has been with me always, through so much. I am entirely blessed. People who understand my position, that I am in no place for a relationship. That I want to focus on myself, and get my life in order, before melding it to someone(s) else's.

6/14/11 11:17 pm - internet powers, activate!

Originally posted by kythryne at internet powers, activate!
Okay, people. I need you to take this viral, and fast.

We know someone in upstate New York who needs a good custody lawyer ASAP. I'm not at liberty to go into details publicly, but this woman is very afraid that her abusive boyfriend is going to get sole custody of her young child.  She's presently being represented by a court-assigned lawyer who doesn't seem to care about the case, and she has very few resources left at this point. Her next hearing is on Thursday.

If you know a good lawyer in New York State who might be willing to take this case for a low fee or pro bono, or at least offer her advice or support, please let me know. If you don't know anyone, please repost this far and wide. As a mother and an abuse survivor, it makes me absolutely sick to my stomach to contemplate a child being left in the hands of an abuser.

I can be reached at kythryne@gmail.com if you have any leads or want to help.

The internet can work miracles. Let's go.

Edit, Tuesday afternoon: Huge, huge thanks to everyone who has signal-boosted, offered resources, emailed me, and otherwise been willing to help. Our friend is overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers. Amy and I are driving over to New York tomorrow afternoon so we can provide support in person, and we are working on plans to help our friend and her daughter get back on their feet once the custody case is over.

(If you would be interested in donating an item or service to a fundraising auction in the near future, please let me know. Our friend is a talented artist and a wonderful mother to a beautiful little girl who deserves a safe home, and it wouldn't take much to make a huge difference in their lives.)

5/27/11 10:25 am - Just keep swimming...

Knee is healing well. Still a little unstable, still wearing the brace for another two weeks, but I got up and walked 5 miles on it yesterday, and it delt well. Compensating hip and knee are still a little sore, but I am lucky to have a massage therapist who really loves to make me moan as a close friend, and he happens to be coming over tonight, so I'm sure I'll be getting magical Taos hands working on my hips. Tends to be how we roll.
Giant cuddle puddle last night in my room, Ethan, Gill, Tom, Courtney, and I, though courtney was sort of on the edges, cause she's all innocent and touchstrange like that. Favorite quote "This is the worst Sumo Wrestling match ever. I'm already laying down, and you're just fat." <3 teehee.
Have tomorrow off, looking forward to a nice day of outside, adventure, and random. Picking up Taos tonight so I don't have to go to Waterbury in the morning, hopefully dragging a few more people & us to a gentle walk through the woods (DAMNIT KNEE, I WANT MY 4 HOUR SLEEPING GIANT HIKE-HEAL, DAMNIT!) maybe some swimming, and other various adventureness. Sunburn from Faire last week is peeling-icky.

M situation seems to be going better, we're still not hanging out, but at least we're communicating, and I think it's calming down. I don't think we'll be like we were ever again, but he has been a good friend despite how bad we are for each other in a relationship, lately, and I don't want to lose him entirely. It will be a slow process, but hopefully we can be counted as friends and still hang out.

Been really buckling down on my finances, which is good, though kind of fruitless, as there's nothing really to work with, there, after bills, and food, and gas. But, I'll do what I can.

Anyway, must go shower and get ready for my day :)

5/26/11 12:32 am - Update?

Finally off satan birth control. For those of you who I talk to on a regular basis, and who interact with me often: Dear Gods, I'm sorry, seriously. Thank you for putting up with me. The mood swings, constant anxiety, fear, and complete derailing of my personality has affected a good deal of people, and I am entirely guilty and ashamed at it affecting me so extremely. I can't quickly explain the mass havoc the whole situation has wreaked on my life. I felt entirely unglued, overwhelmed, and uncontrolled. According to my doctor, the dose was too low for my body, and it began to fall into false menopause due to lack of hormones and menstruating. The hormones should be entirely out of my body in two days, but I am already feeling much better, and am very close to finding my center again. Unfortunately, hell has brought a few friendships, and my relationship with Mark with it. Quite honestly, it's been hell. Losing him is affecting me harshly, and I've had more than one curl up and cry moment, including one that ended up in a very apologetic state trooper flashlighting my pulled over on Rt. 8, hysterically crying into my labcoat, curled over the seat, self, and felt really horrible. Good times. Though I am trying to repair what I can, I have no idea how well that's going.

Though the last few days have been much better, including two photoshoots with friends. Photos from the Colleen O'Hare photoshoot for Jayee Husted's cloaks can be found here The other photoshoot's photos can be found soon on fetlife! (For those of you that haven't found me yet: ChinciCrop ) So, Life.

yeah, I know, my updates suck
Miss many of you

4/30/11 03:53 am

I woke up about 20 minutes ago, my nails having pieces of my skin wedged under them and blood stained fingers.
Apparently, the anxiety has manifested in tearing my feet apart when I was asleep
and now I get to walk on even more fucked up feet.
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